The other day, I was talking to a good friend of mine. Lately, we have booth been in a bit of a slump. She posted a blog about everything, and I decided I really needed to do the same. I need to get everything out.
A lot has been going on with me lately, and most of it has been good.

First of all, I want to apologize for what I'm sure is going to be a long post with quite a few "Debbie Downer" moments and a lot of scattered thoughts...

A couple weeks ago, I hit an extremely rough patch. I think it is safe to say that it was the most difficult week of my life. It started when I found out that one of my professors passed away unexpectedly. That was the beginning of the downward spiral. To add to that, I had two major papers due and three midterms that week. I thought the week couldn't get any worse... until I got a 3 am phone call from a friend. I could barely understand anything she was saying. I could only pick out broken words between her sobs. I have never been more scared talking to someone on the phone before- obviously there was something terribly wrong. She had just found out and called to tell me that one of our good friends in Texas was hit and killed by a drunk driver. I spent the next 4 hours on the phone with her, crying, and calling more people to pass along the news. I managed to pull myself together (somewhat) and take my Microeconomics midterm at 8 am. (Needless to say, that exam is one that I did not do well on)
The Universe decided to throw even more at me that week... My friend's father also died unexpectedly. Later in the week, I got another late night phone call from a friend. I looked at my caller id and was absolutely petrified to answer... this person would not be calling me at this hour unless something was horribly wrong. My hands were literally shaking as I answered the phone. More bad news... a friend of mine ended his own life the day before.
On top of everything, I had tennis conference that weekend. If it was any other tennis meet, I would have talked to the team and taken a little time off, but I couldn't let everyone down. Most of my teammates don't even know all of this was going on with me.

At this point, I complete lost it. I simply could not deal with anything else. I hate dealing with and expressing negative emotions, and death is the one thing that I really do not deal with well and breaks me down... especially suicides. I have lost far too many loved ones to suicides than any person under the age of 21 should have to deal with. I tend to shut people out, put on my headphones, and close off the rest of the world.
Quite simply, that is what I started to do that week. Music is always the one constant in my life. No matter what my mood is, music is always there. I listened to one CD non-stop during that time. That one record stood out in my mind more than any other. It was one of the only things getting me through the week.
I forced myself to maintain some level of stable and routine activity, and tried to attend as many classes as I felt I could. I really didn't have much of a choice because it was midterm week. I listened to that record on my walk to class, trying to convince myself that I was ok and could make it through that class... that hour... that day... and the rest of the week. I cried more that week than I have the rest of the year combined. The music was the only thing keeping me up. Even now, it is the one thing that can consistently lift my mood.

I know it's cliche, but whenever something tragic happens you really do come to realize how blessed you are. The past weeks have proved to me what amazing friends I have. I have a wonderful core group of friends at school, but for some reason it was especially difficult to open up to them about all of this. There are only a couple people on campus who really know all of me. It seems that the people who understand me the most are scattered around the Midwest in Minnesota, Illinois, and Indiana. Sometimes it kills me that they are so far away when all I want to do is reach out and give them a hug.
I don't know whether these girls realize it or not, but aside from music they are the only thing that got me through the past few weeks. I have spent countless hours on the phone and chatting online with them. Sometimes the phone conversations were filled with tears, other times it was all laughter. Regardless, they were there to support me and to take my mind off of all the crazy things going on in my life.

There are simply no words to express how much music means to me... especially that one record the past few weeks.

So to my friends and the creative minds that orchestrated that perfect piece of music that has been pulling me through, I cannot thank you enough.